Jeff,
finds himself in Atlanta Magic
Town
Chapter 22 of Magic Town ...
Monday, 2:37 AM: Fallen
Jeff wakes up in the middle of the night with Shonna next to him. He
sits in the darkness wondering at this woman, what would it be like to make
love to her? She wakes up and says, “Why are you up, why aren’t you in bed with
me?” then, “Uh, sorry, I didn’t really mean that,” Jeff thinking oh yes you did! Jeff goes to take a
shower when suddenly he hears, “You were taking too long, so I figured I better
get in here with you!” He turns to see Shonna naked in the shower with him!
They instantly are in each others’ arms when suddenly Shonna turns to Jeff with
a start, “Oh my god, Jeff, oh my god! We did it, oh, Jeff, I did it. Oh goddam
you Nancy! Stupid Nancy!” then she jumps out of the shower!
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- Chris Lamela
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Magic Town, Chapter 22
Monday, 2:37 AM: Fallen
Jeff woke with a start.
The room was completely dark except for the faint green glow from the clock.
He lay trying to get his bearings, rolled swinging his feet onto the floor
going into the bathroom, closed the door. He came out, bathroom light still on,
door half-closed. He saw Shonna laying on the bed next to where he had been.
The clock read two thirty-seven. Turning back to get a drink of water, he came
out again, sitting in the large stuffed chair in the corner, soft light from
the bathroom on Shonna. He sat watching her sleeping finding himself wondering
about her.
Again.
What would it be like to touch her, to make love to her?
He could only imagine what it must be like to have her in his life. She
had a warmth that defied what she did for a living. How could a woman who was
so attractive, smart, funny, so sexy end up toting a gun for a living? What was
it that brought her to such a job when there were probably a thousand
industries she could have gone into that would have at least given her a shot at
picket fences? But we all make our own choices, right? Maybe she’s not the picket
fences kind of woman. She complained that her working lifestyle made
relationships difficult, yet she chose the job. So in a way was she choosing
not to have a shot at a stable relationship, marriage even, by having this job?
She moved slightly in her sleep, smacking her lips softly as he watched.
He closed his eyes, his head swirling with their kisses, her touch, her
affection. Inside him he worried that she may be falling in love. Not falling
in love with him. That’s impossible, she doesn’t even know me. She’s falling
in love with the idea of falling in
love. She desperately wants a relationship in her life, along comes this dope
who just happens to look like another man, all the sudden she’s supposed to
fall in love with him?
He leaned his head back closing his eyes with the thought of making love
with Shonna.
When he awoke the sun was just coming up best he could tell. He looked
just as she rolled over, her looking toward the clock she saw it was seven
twenty two, rolling back with a groan.
“Good morning, sleepy,” he said.
“Why are you up, why aren’t you in bed with me?” She rolled over leaning
up against the headboard. “Uh, sorry, I didn’t really mean that.”
Oh, yes, you did!
She yawned, “But I did like the sound of that.”
That’s more like it, he
thought as he jumped up, “I need a shower, why don’t you go get us some coffee
and pastries or something?”
“Okay, okay, you get in the shower. I’ll be right back.”
Jeff smiled back at her, heading into the bathroom. He figured there was
no hurry so he really took his time letting the water flow over his hair, onto
his face. Finally he soaped himself, rinsing off, picking up the shampoo
starting to lather his hair.
He heard the door open and close, “Shonna?” hearing her voice, couldn’t
hear the words over the running water. Leaning into the shower water to rinse
his hair he heard the shower door sliding open, feeling two hands on his shoulders.
He tried to look back as soap started getting into his eyes; he finished
rinsing his hair turning around to see Shonna standing naked in the shower with
him.
She was holding a bar of soap rubbing it between her hands making suds,
“You were taking too long, so I figured I better get in here with you!” She
rubbed her hands on Jeff’s chest like she was soaping him down. He reached his
hands around her pulling her to him as their mouths met in a deep passionate
kiss. He pulled back, “You said more tongue next time, remember?” She smiled
pulling him to her as they kissed deeply, passionately. He could feel his
hardness against her belly as she pulled him closer, her hands swirled around
his body, down his back, clutching his ass. They continued kissing as he felt
his head whirling, his chest filling with a glow not coming from the shower’s warm
water.
Pulling back he looked at her in front of him. She had medium, some men
might say small breasts, his very favorite size. He leaned over sucking her
right nipple into his mouth swirling it with his tongue sucking softly, her
hands pulling his head to her breast. He moved his face to her left breast
taking the nipple into his mouth, the shower echoed with the sucking sounds as water
poured onto her chest, flowing down onto his face as she laughed at the sounds
of his sucking reverberating in the shower.
He stood up, she reached down cupping his hardness in her hand, they
kissed all the more passionately, his hands reached down to her nether
sweetness, parting lips carefully with fingers.
“Oh, Jeff,” she said as his head felt swooning, her hands still holding
him as his fingers reached up into her, “Oh, Jeff, Jeff, Jeff. Oh, Jeff,” they
kissed feverishly, mouths interlocked, tongues dancing together.
“Oh, Jeff I lo––”
Suddenly she pulled back, “Oh my god, Jeff, oh my god!”
“What?” he asked confused as they both bolted up straight, hands to
their sides.
“We did it, oh, Jeff, I did it. Oh goddam you Nancy! Stupid Nancy
He stood in utter dismay watching her shape through the marbled glass.
Just a second ago he had this amazing woman touching every inch of his body,
her body was a gift to him to suck and caress and touch as the water poured
over them, precious seconds near utter ecstasy. He was given the chance to
adore her sweet body as he had seen in his sleepy dreams just a few hours ago, laying
in the chair watching her sleeping. They were so close to the ecstatic first
moment, so close at hand. Why all the sudden did she jump out with such a
start? What had he done? His head spun in confusion at what had just happened!
Jeff reached down turning the water off, slid open the glass door to
step out. He could see her in the room, a towel around her. He dried, barely,
sweeping fingers through hair.
Without thinking he nearly ran out of the bathroom naked tossing his
towel on the bed. She was sitting in the big stuffed chair, a towel wrapped
around her in the corner where he’d slept the night before. Accidentally. He
had wanted to lay with her as she slept, why did he get up like he did? Was
this because he had done that?
Was this all his fault?
He stepped into the room looking down at her, she turned away. “What
happened in there?”
She didn’t answer.
He glanced around looking for something to cover up with but felt
precious seconds slipping away, he knelt down in front of her. She wouldn’t
turn to him. He reached his hands up turning her face, pulling at her chin so
he could see into her eyes, could see her frightened expression, tears flowing down her cheeks.
Her face was between his hands as she looked straight into his eyes, tears
streaming. “I’m so sorry for this,” he said softly. “I don’t know what we’re
doing, all I know is that I am drawn to you with such…that I would…”
He kissed her gently, “It’s okay. Really. We’re two people. You know, a
man and a woman. Grown ups. These things happen.” He smiled at her, she gave
just the tiniest shy smile in return, her golden eyes filled with soft tears.
“I don’t know what’s going on here, and I am just as frightened as you are.” He
thought about his family. “Even more frightened maybe.” She gave the slightest
nod, sniffed as the tears slowed. “You’re afraid, aren’t you? You’re afraid
that something is going to happen between us, then I’ll just get back on the
plane and disappear.” He looked up into her eyes, felt a warmth wash over him
that made him feel high.
Dizzy with the glow from her teary eyes.
Made his head spin.
Made him feel terrified.
“What happened Saturday,” he smiled, “you know, the slut. All I know is
that I could never do such a thing with you.” She looked at him confused, “I
mean, yes, of course.” He nodded, “Of course I could. I mean of course I could…”
his voice trailed off as he gave her a timid smile. “But there is something
very, very special going on here. When you left the shower I didn’t understand,
but suddenly I do. It only took only one minute for me to understand.”
He gave a small frown, “I think.”
He sat down on the floor with his back to the chair looking away from
her. “I don’t know what we’re doing here. I don’t. But I do. I do know what
we’re doing here. All I know is that I am scared shitless that I could fall in
love with you.” He turned to her as her expression changed to bewildered. “And
I know that we can’t let that happen. We can’t.”
He turned to her again kneeling, “But when I look into your wonderful
eyes, when I see your beautiful face, when I see what an amazing woman you are,
I realize that my mouth says I can’t,” he looked away, back again, “My heart
says I must. My heart says I want to fall in love with you.” His voice became very
quiet, barely as whisper, “And it’s too late. It’s already happened.”
Reaching up gently wiping tears from her face, “I look at you and I am
terrified to say those words.” He kissed her nose, “I am terrified to hear
those three silly words. Maybe not such silly words. From you. But in the last
three days I have needed to hear the words, to say those words.”
She cupped his face in her hands, “Please, I want more than anything in the
world to hear those words from you, but please don’t say them.” She smiled
kissing him softly on the nose, “But I can’t promise that I won’t say them
first.”
“For now, neither of us will say the words, okay? For now.” He smiled
tenderly.
She smiled kissing him, “For now,” with a playful little smile, “for
this morning, anyway.”
His face became determined, “You know, what I said last night in the car
about not knowing who I was doing this for, who I was trying to impress?” She
nodded. “I lied.” She tilted her head as he smiled tenderly, “This is all for
you.”
“I know,” she smiled shyly, “I know that you are doing all this for me. I’ve
always known that.”
He kissed her softly again realizing that he was still naked, standing
up, “Seems like you see me a lot like this when there’s pretty women around,
huh?” She sniffed. Her smile slowly emerged into a soft laugh.
He started to turn when she stood up pulling him by the arm motioning
toward the bed. He grabbed his towel putting it around him, tucking it in
front. They both sat down on the bed. She looked at him with a demur expression
that he hadn’t seen on a woman’s face for a very long time. “You are a very,
very special man. I wish I was that slut. Partly. But I don’t know what’s going
on here either.” She shook her head, “But I then I do. I am petrified that I
feel like this and you don’t. It will kill me.”
He kissed her, “But I do.” He kissed her again, “You are safe with me.
And I believe I am safe with you.” He kissed her on the lips as their tongues
touched for just a second.
She wiped her cheeks with her hands. “Maybe it’s all the stress of the
case here. It’s what they told us about in training how two people can get a
false sense of connection when they are in these situations.”
Jeff smiled, she could tell by his smile that maybe it wasn’t the case
here. His gentleness told her that he genuinely felt something for her. That he
might be falling in love with her. That somehow frightened her even more.
“Maybe there is something here, maybe there isn’t,” she said resigned.
He reached to the pillows, fluffed them, leaning them against the headboard,
they both sat back as he spoke softly, “I don’t know. I feel like there are
things you should know about me that aren’t anything in your long-arm
capabilities to know.” He glanced at her, reaching to hold hands as they sat.
“You know that I have been married, now three times. I have been with many
women in my life, and I regret many of those relationships. It seems like I
have only had three kinds of relationships,” he thought for a second, “who
knows maybe there are only three kinds for anyone.”
He spoke softly to her, “There have been the ones where I just really
didn’t care. You know, a few one-nighters even girlfriends that didn’t have
much value to me. I mean, they were all nice women, some of them quite
beautiful, some of them were only meant to be throw-away relationships that
ended the minute I quit calling them.” He paused remembering the two that did
try to call him again that he never
bothered with. A flash of remorse poked at his heart.
She drew lines along his hand with her fingers listening. “It took a
long time for me to realize that those were wrong. It’s very possible that
those women put hopes into me that I totally disregarded. I mean, I’m a nice
man and all, right?” She nodded affirmation, smiling.
“The second group were those that I wanted to care about, for whatever
reason, though, I couldn’t find the connection with them that it needed to turn
those relationships into love.” He glanced at her, “Do you know what I mean?”
She nodded. “Those I don’t feel so bad about in some ways, but I came to
realize much later that there were a couple of them, maybe more, that really
cared for me, maybe even wanted me to be in love with them. I believe that a
couple of them were in love with me. It seems odd that I feel less remorse
about those than the others that I didn’t give a hang about. Maybe because I
did try to give them a chance, which I never did with the others, but it just
didn’t work. You know, the old college try thing.” He paused reflecting. “I
have no idea how many women were like this. But I do worry that it was more
than I realized.”
“It’s kind of funny to say,” he laughed softly, “my second wife was that
category. We both wanted to love each
other, but we didn’t. I was a reasonably good catch, I think, so was she, she
wanted a ring on her finger. She pressured me to move in with me then pressured
me to marry her. I remember her saying that if the relationship wasn’t moving
to marriage then what was the point? Don’t know if she would have left me,
maybe it would have been better if she had. She was a beautiful woman and well,
I just was tired of looking I guess, fantasized that I could settle down with
her,” grinning, “but I couldn’t.”
He shook his head in silence.
Turning to Shonna, “And then there’s the third kind of women I have met.
My first marriage was very young but we grew apart. No, we more like flew apart
when it became obvious that we had really different life goals. The second was
a rebound, we never were in love with each other. We tried to love each other
like I said. I honestly don’t know, but we were certainly never in love. There wasn’t that special sparkle.” She smiled at him knowingly
at the words special sparkle. “Then
there is my wife…” his voice became quiet. “Yeah, her,” nearly whispering.
“Then there is you,” he smiled as she squeezed his hand. “I wasn’t
looking for you. I wasn’t looking for you because I didn’t want to find you. I
have been blissfully happy in my little bubble, my picture-perfect life with a
good job, good marriage, smart and beautiful kids, nice house, you know all
that picket fence stuff.”
He lightly shook their hands together up and down on the bed. “I wasn’t
looking for you, but you did come along.” He pulled up her hand to his lips kissing
it. “And now you’re here. And I have made up my mind that I am going to be
completely open to whatever happens here, be damned at whatever comes from it.”
He leaned over kissing her on the cheek. “I can tell you that if we ever do get
the chance to make love that it will be the most amazing experience because I
know that you won’t do it unless your heart is in it. And just so you know, neither
will I.”
She started to stand up, unsteady, Jeff reached out to hold her up.
“Jeff, I hear what you’re saying, thank you for telling me this. Really. But I
just don’t know,” tears appeared in her eyes again, “I don’t know what I am doing here, I’ve never done this before.
With a married man!” She wiped her cheek with the back of her hand. “God, a
married man! I hear what you’ve just said, but I just don’t know that I want
the responsibility. To be the little home wrecker, the other woman. I am so sorry, I just don’t know what’s come over me.”
She looked at the clock seeing eight twenty. “This is just not like me, I’ve
never done anything like this.”
She stood upright, wiped a tear from her cheek looking down at Jeff who realized
he was still in his towel as he stood. She reached down pulling the towel off
him, tossing it on the floor, looking down admiringly at him seeing his
arousal, “I can tell you, though,” she said in a soft commanding voice, “that
if you don’t get clothes on soon I won’t be able to guarantee anything!”
“Yeth ma’am!” he said in his best Daffy Duck voice, saluting, she
laughed at the two soldiers saluting to her, “but is that a threat or a
promise?” she laughed, he hurriedly started dressing.
He turned seeing her composure returning, feeling better. He walked into
the bathroom, looked at himself in the mirror laughing out loud that his hair
was almost comical from his finger combing earlier, quickly re-combing it, brushed
his teeth, gave a quick shave. He came out as she was picking out clothes from
the closet, going into the bathroom. Jeff finished dressing, sat in the big
chair in the corner. He could hear her pissing with the bathroom door still
open, the shower start. He sat wistfully, remembering a girlfriend a very long
time ago––one from the first group he had talked about that he never really
cared about––who had taken him to her apartment and she pissed with the door
open. At the time he took is as a good sign that he was going to get laid, and
he did! He smiled at the prospect as he sat back watching at the open bathroom
door.
After a while he heard the shower water stop, the sound of a hair dryer,
moments later she came out of the bathroom dressed, ready for the day.
She stepped up to him, gave him a quick peck on the lips. “You are
really something mister Jeff. I just want you to know that. I hear you, and
just so you know I feel exactly the same, if I do let myself go, I will let
myself go completely.” Her resolute expression gave him a moment of hope that
it might come true, along with a definite rise between his legs. She shook her
head slowly looking up to the ceiling, “And somehow we’re going to get through
this. Somehow. How I let you affect me is just not like me.” She looked to him,
“I could be disciplined for it.”
He started to say something, she put her fingers to his lips, “Don’t
worry about that. But everything I said is true. I know everything you said is
true. But we have work to do, very important and dangerous work, and we can’t––I
mean I can’t––let anything get in the way. And now, damn you, now I really can’t let you get hurt!”
Shonna took a step back holding out her right hand, “Partners?”
He smiled taking her hand, “Yes, partners.”
She took his hand looking deeply into his eyes shaking her head as another
small tear found its was down her cheek. “Sorry,” she sniffed, “but it’s too
late.”
He smiled nodding knowing exactly what she was saying.
She smiled at him.
“I’m sorry,” she sniffed, “but we are more than just partners.”
She wiped her eyes with her finger tips, “Well!” snapping to, “if we
don’t get down there we won’t be able to eat before the meeting, come on, let’s
go!” She pulled him by the elbow, they headed through the door, Jeff grabbing the
stinky coat and a Danish pastry from the plate, took a bite offering it to her
as they turned left walking down the hall toward the stairs.
They ate quietly with long steady gazes into the other’s eyes. He was
even more captivated by her eyes now that he’d seen tears coming from them. As
their eyes met he felt an overwhelming gush of warmth pouring onto his chest,
like someone was holding a giant teapot over him, hot water washing across his
chest. He felt like he was becoming that different person, that different man.
That he had somehow awoken that morning in an entirely different life, like in
a movie. He wanted to reach across the table to her, to draw her to him and
never let her go. He struggled with this as his mouth moved up and down, food
passing down his throat.
“We can do this, right?” she asked with an expression that wanted Yes or No or that was terrified of any
answer. He swallowed hard nodding with his best warm smile.
“Oh, my god,” he thought, “she did
it!” He looked into her golden eyes and knew, “Yes.”
I’ve fallen.
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